kiss me like you wanna be loved
by carterforeverX
Summary: Peter had just given Simon to Leanne and isn't coping at all, however he is trying to move on with Carla, even though he resents her and blames her for everything.. READ REVIEW!


hey guys!, so yeah this is my first fanfic ever!, so excuse me if its not that great!. It is set after Peter gave Leanne simon and he is trying to move on with Carla. Im going to keep it the same way that he blames Carla for everything all the time, but ill add a twist into review! x

It was so hard right now, things had become much worse since Simon left, Carla couldnt help but blame herself, and as Peter wasnt re-assuring her lately it continued to stay that way. It was late and she was sitting in the factory going over some paper work, it had just turned 8pm, everyone had left but she found this silence easier to work in, plus she dreaded going home, especially today. Peter would be in a bad mood, a dreadful mood and no doubt she would get the blame for it. She wouldnt be surprised if she went in to a smashed up house and peter completely out of it on the sofa. There was one thing that kept her there though, that made Carla stay and that was love. A four lettered word that changes everything. Truth was, she was one million percent undoubtably, madly in love with him.  
She would be upset when he would shout at her because it did hurt to see how much he blamed her but she'd rather he took his fury out on her than himself,  
god only knows where he would be if he did that.

Carla snapped back to reality as a pen hit the ground that made her jump, it had just gone quarter past 8 and she did need to go back home sometime,  
she was slightly worried aswell. She cleared away her files, shut the computer down and made her way out the door to lock up. The walk back home was awful,  
she didnt want to admit it but she was slowly loosing hope in her relationship with Peter and she didnt know how to change things but she wanted to be with him more than anything in the world. She knew that he resented her for breaking up the "Barlow family" but she knew he loved her, even if he was hiding it lately.

She reached the flat after her walk over the road which felt like hours and walked upstairs, she could already smell the thick scent of cigarettes from the staircase and the faint smell of whiskey so she already knew this wasnt going to be a pleasant re-union. She pushed the door open to their flat, Peter was in the kitchen, drunk, with a small glass in his hand, swaying about he stared at her as though he never knew her, his brown eyes looked deep into her's as though he was trying to remember who she was. She glanced at him as she walked through to the bedroom taking off her coat, about 10 minutes later she appeared and walked into the kitchen as peter sat at the table, it was complete silence although she could tell he was dying to say something, to make a nasty comment and she wasnt wrong as he spluttered "w-where the hell have you been". She spun round glaring at him hoping he would recognise his rudeness, instead he glared back as if to say "well". "I was at the factory, doing extra work while its quite". She knew he wouldnt believe this, infact she knew he would turn this into an arguement, however she hoped he didnt. "Ive been worried about you, thought s-something had h-happened" he managed to get out before looking away as if she was the one in the wrong when infact it was the ex-alcoholic that was off his head. "Yeah looks it" she said with her back to him ,she so badly wanted him to hold her and tell her it would be okay and that he loved her more than anything, but she knew he wouldnt, she knew he wouldnt do that and it killed her. "What, what did you say, ive had the day from hell" he shouted at her. " yeah and so have I, Peter but .." she couldnt hold her tears in anymore they escaped her tired eyes as she looked away, ashmed to even cry infront of him anymore, ashmed to show weakness incase he would mock her for it. She quickly wiped her cheek with her sleeve as Peter looked on feeling so so bad, he could finally see her hurting, hurting so much, he realised how much he had been putting blame on her and she just finally broke down, he couldnt believe how much he's hurting her, he started crying as he stood up and walked over to her,  
"baby, dont cry please" he said to her, as he pulled her in for a hug, although this was exactly what she wanted and needed she tried to put her bravery on as she pushed him away. "no Peter, no, n-no, d-dont touch me" she said as she sobbed. He knew what she was like though and he knew she needed it,  
"Car, come 'ere, let me hold me you baby" he said as he pulled her into his tight embrace, strocking her hair as they both stood crying, him cradling her in his arms as a way of apologizing or making her see how sorry he really was.

They lay in each others arms for a few hours, Peter awake the full time as Carla slept, he could feel her hot breath against his neck as they lay together,  
Peter holding her tight as a way of protection and a way of saying "shes mine and im never letting her go, ever". His time awake made him really think of what he had been doing, he had this beautiful, amazing girl who loved him so much and he was just pushing her away, he never realised just how much until all her hurt and emotion just came pouring out in them few moments. He had no idea how he was going to make this up to her but he knew she loved him and god, wasnt he so very lucky. About 4ish the next morning she stirred from her sleep, shouting as she was having a nightmare, "frank,fra, please, stop im,  
sorry i love peter, stop, please, she screamed as she woke, sweating and staring at the ceiling, "hey, its okay, your just having a nightmare, it's Peter, its okay baby im here, come' ere" he said as he pulled her into him again, she reluctantly went, but after realising it was all a dream, she intwined her body with his and lay with him,  
protected in his big broad arms. She woke in the morning to his face, at first she was slightly annoyed, but she realised by the look on his face how sorry he was."Hey beautiful" he whispered into her ear as his husky voice sent shivers down her spine, she loved when made he feel like this."Hey" she smiled as they gazed into each others eyes for a few moments "listen to me", he said breaking the silence and lifting her chin with his finger so she was looking at him, this was slightly pathetic of him to pour his heart out but he had to, he wanted to, he felt as though it would make her feel better. "oi you listening to me" he looking at her as she nodded playfully, "car, look, I am so so sorry about how ive treated you recently, you are everything to me and i have no idea what i was thinking blaming it on you", he started to get abit upset so she took his face in her hands as a way of urging him to continue, "And i just want you to know that it will never and i mean never happen again baby, i cant believe how disgracfully ive behaved, especially to you, the one and only person who means the world", he whispered into her ear - "your my everything beautiful, ill never hurt you again, i swear" as he kissed her ear, making her moan slightly, she was still abit angry with him but she did believe he was sorry, and she loved him to much so she was prepared to try put the past in the past and move on." i forgive you, but you have to promise me you'll stay strong and i mean, stay off the booze,  
because it doesnt help you'no,and i hate seeing you like that, hurting yourself, it kills me, so promise me peter" she said as she looked at him, he words and facial expression filled with emotion, "Promise me you'll try". "I promise you", he whispered with a small smile, she returned the small smile before cuddling back into his chest.

It was around 10am when they woke, they knew they could lie in as it was saturday and Simon was spending the weekend in Blackpool with leanne so he wasnt going to get in the way of them spending time together. Peter woke first, and as he did Carla began to turn and shuffle until she woke up to. They both looked so comfortable in each others arms,like part of a puzzle, as though they were ment to "fit" together. "awwww" peter said as he streched out, walking himself up.  
"hey you", he said noticing Carla was awake but very quite, "are you okay", he asked her. "uh yeah, yeah im fine" she said as she awkwardly smiled before pulling her dressing gown on and scrambling out of the bed. As they stood in the kitchen, Peter waited there until she spoke up, and it was as if she knew this so she suddenly spoke "okay, okay, I know you know" she sighed. "What is it baby, what is it that im doing wrong, im trying me best here but you need to speak to me car.."?, "Peter, look I just want to know, did you mean what you said to me last night, you know about you being sorry and that i was everything to you and you'd protect me and never hurt me again". Peter knew she was going to need convincing , he wasnt surprized, especially after the way hes been treating her but he was genuinly sorry, and he did mean everything, he just needed her to believe him. "Look", he said pulling her close to him,  
"I meant every word that I said to you last night, i am so sorry Carla, I know what ive done is so wrong i just hope you will give me the opportunity to put it right?.." after some hesitation from Carla, Peter assumed her silence was his answer. "Im an alki, i get that okay i know you don't want anything to do with me, ill just go okay, this is embarrasing enough already". The door slammed shut and she knew Peter was gutted, she loved him, she really did, she wanted to believe his promises, but she knew he was an alki, she knew it would happen again and right now they were just words to her, should she give him one more chance? afterall, she thought to herself, he needs my help, not my rejection.

After trying to eat at the caf, Peter headed to work, another long, painfull day that he really could be doing without, not that he needed to go in since it was Saturday he guessed it would take is mind off things though. He didnt blame Carla for abandoning him, he'd hurt her, not physically, NEVER physically but emotionally and after what Frank did that was something he promised he'd never do. But sometimes its so hard, its so hard for him to choose between his family and Carla, but he chose Carla, because he really really loves her and he needs her, but its too late, he thought to himself, "its too late".  
He starts sorting through some files, all the while never stops thinking about Carla, when he recieves a text -  
"look please come back, we need to talk Peter, we cant ignore it, Car x". He guessed she was right, they did need to talk, he needed to do this,  
he needed to hear her shout at him, make him realise whats hes done, not that he doesnt already know.

About an hour later they were both in the flat, at opposite ends, Carla was standing in the kitchen and peter sitting a chair round the table. They'd been fighting for ten minutes, not really fighting, just getting their opinions out, mainly Carlas. "so, what now", she said. "what now?", after everything they've been through and thats the punchline, deciding their future in the space of ten seconds, two words, 7 letters. Pathetic really he thought to himself, but he wasnt going to give up, not now. "Im so sorry Carla", his words echoed her ears, he didnt stop to look at her, she knew he didnt because he was crying and he didnt want to seem weak,  
they really needed each other, they have just been so blind to realise whats staring them in the face, they're made for each other." This cannot happen again Peter, ever", as she spoke he looked up at her finally as he felt as thought this was her forgiving him, his eyes all teary, he said " I promise you, Car, i promise,  
never again". he said as he cried, tears of joy, she could see how happy he was that she was able to trust him again.

2.

A few weeks after there 'disagreement', things were going pretty well, they both talked alot more and if they had problems the would make time to discuss them and overcome them, things had improved alot, and Carla couldnt was happier now, however they did still had theyre fair share of rows.  
"hey my gorgeous girl, listen i was wondering if you wanted to have a movie night, since Si is at my dads, i think it would be nice for us to spend some time together aswell,loveyou, Peter x".He texted her during his break in the bookies. Peter had been coping well lately, he had been off the booze since than night which was about 3 weeks ago, and him and Carla were getting along great, even better than great, fantastic.  
"oh hey baby, yeah that would be nice, work is hectic at the moment so it will be nice to spend the evening with you, love you more, Car x".  
Peter couldnt help but smile at this, she made him so unbelievably happy, even the small things like movie nights here and there made their relationship really special.

It had just gone 7pm and Peter was getting everything ready, he wanted tonight to be really special for them both, they hadnt been together "properly" for months and he knew this was his own fault, he was hoping tonight he'd get lucky though. He jamp out of his daze as the buzzer to the flat rang, "come up" he said down it before hearing her footsteps as she reached the door, "hey" she said walking in and smiling at him, "hello" he said, "well this is all very nice, you didnt need to go to so much effort" she said although she secretly thought his soppy efforts were adorable. "yeah well, i was bored", he replied, "oh charming" she laughed as he pulled her into a hug, kissing her lips,  
their kiss began very passionate and needy, they hadnt kissed like that ever, it just showed how much they both wanted and missed each other. Finally Carla pulled away, slightly out of breath she said "we best stick that movie on now eh", she glanced at him before pulling away and distracting herself by fiddling with the T.V. Peter knew what Frank did still affected her everyday, and that would never change, but he needed her to trust him and he wasnt quite sure if she did yet, but he needed to find out.  
One thing he knew that Carla hated was having her wrist touched, because that was how frank had pinned her down. As they lay together, he knew he shouldnt have but he just did, he took her hand in his and played with her fingers a little before making his way down her hand to her wrist, as he touched it she cringed and jamp a little, but he made her look at him and she slowly calmed down, he ran his fingers though her black hair as she panted deeply he knew she was scared so he took his hand away from her wrist and just took her in his arms and held her, he could hear her sob a little, it broke his heart to see her like this, he just wanted to make me better, but he couldnt, no-one could. "Peter, do it again" she whispered as he released her from the hug, "what", he asked back, slightly confused, "Peter please", she begged him. "I cant" he whispered as he knew everytime he did it he was hurting her, he couldnt do it again, but he was confused as to why she was 'asking' for him to hurt her. " I need you to", he wanted to respect her by doing it so he did, he rubbed the tears away from her cheek and he kept in full eye contact with her non-stop, he ran his hand along her arm and down to her wrist, it was though she had been stabbed in the stomach as she winced in pain, not physical pain, mentally. She blinked but looked straight into his eyes again as he picked her arm up and kissed her wrist. "its okay baby, its me" he whispered as he looked at her, he let go and wrapped his arms around her waist and she gripped his neck tightly, " i love you" she whispered in his ear. "i love you so much more". he whispered back. They lay in each others arms for ages, Carla on top and peter holding her close. "Are you hungry?, do you want anything?" he asked as he tucked a section of her hair behind her ear. "im okay, i just want to lie with you". she said as she kissed him, he wasnt expecting the kiss, but he enjoyed it, it was meaningfull and he could tell she needed him she continued the kiss, placed her hand on the side of his face and played with his hair before whispering in his ear, "make love to me". Peter wanted to, he wanted her so bad but he knew it wasnt right, not tonight after what she had been through, after what she had overcome he didnt want to pressure her into anything or make her feel uncomfortable yet again, so he decided to say he couldnt, "Car, id love to, you know that, but after tonight, i cant, i wont make you feel uncomfortable again, im sorry baby, i cant". "Peter, i trust you, one million percent, your my everything, i want you to do it, i need you to, please", the desperation evident in her voice even as she tried to hide it. Before he could answer she was kissing him, along his cheek and down his jawbone. He lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist, she was so fragile, so petite. He walked through to the bedroom, peppering her in light kisses as she giggled into his neck, Peter had to make sure she was completely comfortable and that what they were about to do was all on her terms. He placed her body onto the covers and began removing his shirt as she ran he hands down his chest, she smiled at him to let him know she was okay as he removed her top. She was stunning, so evidently gorgeous, inside and out he couldnt take his eyes off her, and she watched him smile at the view. "Your so beautiful" he whispered into her ear and she placed his hands at either side of her waist. tickling her tummy as she giggled, he moved his hands down to her leggins and slowly took them off so she was only in underwear.

Peter was terrified, he couldnt help but think what if he did something wrong, touched her in the wrong place that made all the bad memories come flooding back and then she would hate him for it. He couldnt argue with her though, she re-assured him that this is what she wanted so he continued, he kissed her full body as she got goosebumps, before removing her underwear he could feel himself becoming aroused, he removed his trousers and she lay still, waiting for it to happen, he lay down on top of her , their hot bodies mingling together and she held him tight he slowly moved inside her, she gasped a little so he looked to see if she was okay "do you want to go on, tell me if you want to stop", " peter dont stop, please dont stop". he continued to move inside her slowly but surely she started to moan in pleasure which caused him to moan, "harder, peter", he did as she said, he started to thrust inside her, still not hard, but harder than before she groaned and moaned as she was close to organism, "peter d-dont stop ...pleasse... peter", she grabbed his neck as she arched her back, continued to thrust into her as she tightened around his cock and he knew she was close, she closed her eyes in pleasure and she moaned and called his name, finally she did it, she comed, he slowly stopped and picked her shaking body up and he kissed her neck and collarbone, she trembled as she was still experiencing the most intense moment of her life, she didnt speak for about 30 seconds just panted deeply as she clung to peters neck. He held her close and she placed her back down on the bed. "you okay" he asked as she still hadnt spoke, "that w-was amazing peter" she finally said, her happiness made him smile, "aww, that was s-so amazing" she repeated as she relaxed, he chuckled slightly as he kissed her head, she cuddled into him as they absorbed the hot atmosphere and feel asleep together.


End file.
